Hidden superpower? Also: depression guest stars.

It’s not quite a rainy day today, but the sky is dark and heavy and the air smells with the promise of rain. My joints feel swollen and achy today and that’s usually a good indicator that rain is coming! I feel like an old lady in old westerns that sit in rocking chairs and rattles off to anyone who asks “My elbow feels like rain today!” .

It’s a funny feeling. It’s also kinda like a super power I didn’t know I had. Since my diagnosis and foray into Fibromyalgia research, I’ve found that a lot of us can predict the weather pretty accurately. So Lately I’ve been taking notice of any influxes in my symptoms and moods to see if the barometric pressure has anything to do with it 😆.

It’s a strange thing to realize that you are different from everyone else. It’s also strange that at 24 I’m learning things about myself that I’ve had all along . . . It feels weird. But I’m up to the task! Well . . . Most days . Some days, I’ll be quite honest with you, are very hard. Some days are terrible, no good, very bad days. But they aren’t all the time. And they don’t last forever.

Today was a hard day for me. Not because of a pain flare—on a 1-10 scale of pain I’m at a solid 4-5 which is nice.—but because of depression.

For a while I’ve had a good hold on my mental health. I had figured out good coping skills and I was, dare I say it, happy or content or full of the steady joy of the Lord more often then not.

But recently? I’ve been struggling.

An all encompassing exhaustion will hit. And it feels like I’m drowning. Like nothing I can do or say will get me out of an unfeeling haze. I fell into one after lunch today. I took a nap and when I woke up I somehow felt worse. I lingered there, for a bit. I ate, trying to fill the hole in my soul. But all it did was make me nauseous. I was a bit concerned at this point, and was considering going back to sleep when it dawned on me.

“Oh, this is depression . . . Hello again, old foe. I thought you were taking the day off?”

It’s funny but whenever I realize I’m fighting something, it doesn’t further depress me. In fact, it helps me! When I got diagnosed with Fibro, yeah it hit me hard, but it also bolstered me! I finally had a name for this awful thing. Finally knew my enemies name. The battle ground was more even now as my previously unseen enemy was revealed! That’s how I felt when I realized what was happening to me today.

It’s taken a few hours to get through the haze and back into feeling again. I’m not at 100% or even 80%. But I’m not so exhausted I can’t hold a thought.

I put some music on, put some essential oils in my diffuser, chilled, worshiped, took a shower, imagined softly . . . All little things that added up to me sitting here word vomiting at you all. 😅.

Anyways, I hope you are well today. If you’re a writer, I hope your words flow freely. If you’re not, I hope that whatever you pursue is blessed. Virtual hugs to anyone who made it through this post!

‘Till Next we meet. ~Tiffany Michele